I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you š
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote āColleenās Dickāwith a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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