my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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