Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
