If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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