It's Friday. Sex?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
