I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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