We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
420 ftw
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My pussy is not your playground.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
