so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
