she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
