You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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