I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
