You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
