All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
