At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
