When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
