I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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