you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
