It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
