Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
