I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
