I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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