I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I understand Curling. That high.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize