Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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