She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
