I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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