My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
