There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize