I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
