At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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