I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
