Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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