Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
