I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
