So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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