the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize