Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
