Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
