On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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