Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
