i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
