apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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