Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
