bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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