He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How does one acquire holy water?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
