The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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