i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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