If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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