mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
