God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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