real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
