I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
