I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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