batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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