Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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