and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
