I am spending my child support on dildos
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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