Me. At least after what I've been through.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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