I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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