I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
