I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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