And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
