I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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