to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
