ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
