my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
