It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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