Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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