Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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